Dad, Tell Me About the Time (50)

Thursday, June 5, 2025

How many kids did you want when you first got married?

I grew up in a family with six kids and I thought it was the perfect size for a family. Lisa grew up in a family with only two kids and always wanted more. As soon as our relationship advanced to the point where we talked about a life together, we both agreed that we wanted six kids. Every one of our kids was intentional and very much wanted.

How many did you have in the end?

Six, just like we wanted and planned.

What was the most challenging time of parenthood for you? Life with a newborn, a toddler, a school-aged child, a teenager, or an adult?

Adult children are definitely the most difficult part of parenthood for me. When our kids were young, we didn’t really “force” them to do anything. We obviously used discipline for things like toddlers eating poisonous plants and preteens playing with fire and fighting with siblings, but we never forced our kids to do anything. There was, of course, consequences for bad behavior, but that was generally in the form of restricted freedoms until restitution had been completed. The restitution was always done on their own timeline, so it was completely up to them when their freedom was restored. We would strongly encourage them to go to church, and we expected them to go on family outings together. We called that FFF (forced family fun). When they went to college, we allowed them to go to any school they wanted and the only limitation we gave them was that there had to be an active institute program at the school of their choice. 

  I guess what I’m saying is that we had expectations, and for the most part the kids accepted them. I loved raising my kids. Every one of them was a joy. As an adult I have little influence over my children. They are all good people, but they don’t all choose to do what I would expect them to. In addition, I can give them advice, but they have no obligation to follow my advice and I can’t expect them to follow my advice. While I understand that this is the way it should be, it is difficult.