Compared to life
with children at home, life as an empty nester is boring. That is a
double-edged sword because sometimes it is wonderful to not have to worry about
homework, school sports, bedtimes, are your kids ready for what lies ahead of
them, are they choosing good friends, and a hundred other things that occupy
your time and thoughts.
But at the same
time, you miss them! You miss them a lot, and you still worry about them but
now there is nothing you can do about their choices and little you can do to
help them. Of course, you still support them, you celebrate their successes and
mourn with them over their failures or when they face what seems like
insurmountable challenges. You try and be with them when they need you, but
that isn’t always possible.
Even still, there
is nothing like the freedom of an empty nester. Lisa and I spontaneously saying,
let’s go to a movie tonight, but it’s a school night you think, and then you
remember, who cares?
Or Lisa comes to
me and says, I signed us up for a dance class. You think, do we have time for
that and you answer yourself and say, yes, I do.
How is it
different from when you were younger?
See the above
response.
What is the best
part of being an empty nester?
Planning a life
for two people is so much easier than planning a life for eight. When we go to
an amusement park we only need to buy two tickets and we go on the rides we
want to, we don’t need to worry about anyone else.
Dinner for two is
so much more affordable than dinner for eight plus I now get senior discounts. I
get to focus on my wife and my meal and I don’t have to worry about whether my
kids are eating or not or if they’re fighting or making too much noise.
If we need to
travel to a far-off city we will often fly because two tickets are cheaper than
the gas to drive a car there.
What is something
you would like to do now that the kids are grown?
I love my work,
and I love designing and building things. Fortunately, I’m still doing that,
but unfortunately, I’m not in a situation financially where I can officially
retire. I would love to just continue doing what I’m doing but without the
financial pressure to be successful. It would be great to just put my work on
hold and go visit the kids for a week or two.
When I’m not
working in my shop, I love working in my garden. I would like to spend more
time in my garden. While I don’t care to travel as much as Lisa does, she
really wants to travel, and I love to be with her so I expect we will be going
on a lot more trips. Lisa really wants to do some genealogy trips to Scotland,
Ireland, Denmark etc. I want to see those places as well, but I would also like
to throw in some sandy beaches and sun. I’d like to go to Israel as well but I
think we’ll put that trip on hold for a bit.
What did you love
about having children in your home?
When a child is
first born, they are so sweet and cuddly, and you can’t help but love them. The
joy of a beautiful creation so recently with God more than compensates for
sleepless nights and dirty diapers.
Once that child
is old enough to have a mind of its own, and is capable of doing damage to
itself and its surroundings, but still too young to have a meaningful
discussion about things, then they are not fun to be around. That happens
around two years old.
Once you can have
a conversation with the child, and can reason with them, then they are fun
again. That happens somewhere between three and four. Now you can explain to
them that if you yell for them to stop, it is because they are in danger, like
running into a busy street. If you tell them to stay with you in a busy store,
it is because you don’t want them to get lost. If they do get lost, they are
old enough to be scared and they now understand why you asked them to stay
close.
At this point,
they are a joy in your life because you can start to see into their minds, and
you can see their personalities. I love how their personalities differ widely
from child to child, you can see their strengths and you can help them shore up
their weaknesses.
They are a joy to
you and as they get older, your discussions with them become more meaningful
and your love and bond grows to the point that you are almost bursting with
joy.
I think this joy
peaks when they reach their early teens. At this point, if you have managed to
create a strong bond and trust.
They continue to
communicate with you, and you can still see them grow and mature but at the
same time they begin to have enough confidence that they start making their own
decisions. They have always made their own decisions but now their confidence
is strong enough that they will often choose to ignore what they know that you
want them to do and do what they want to do. You can still discuss their
choices, and if you see real danger in what they want to do you can often override
their choices, but usually you have to let them make choices you disagree with.
Usually these are
harmless choices and are only a matter of opinion. Sometimes their choices are
going to hurt them, but only in a temporary way, and the consequences of bad
decision are a part of them growing. Sometimes their choices are going to cause
permanent harm, and they will choose to make that wrong choice no matter what
you do.
That is painful
and hurts you as much or more than it hurts them. If you’re lucky, they can see
the harm they did to themselves and come back to you. If you’re not lucky, they
will sometimes head down a path of self-destruction and they will miss out on
much joy and will sometimes face a lot of pain and misery.
While all of my
children have made decisions that hurt them, I am so grateful that all of them
have chosen a path that continues to bring them and me great joy.
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