Dad, Tell Me About the Time (44)

Friday, October 11, 2024

What qualities are most valuable when looking for a life partner?

I am no expert in this kind of stuff but having compared my life to others, I think the first thing I’d watch for are some red flags. I know it seems unfair and unromantic but the first thing I’d look for are signs of depression. I’d also look for signs of a sociopath, physcopath and narcisists. Sociopaths and physcopaths are probably pretty rare but depression and narcisists are for more common than I would have thought. If your potential partner doesn’t suffer from any of those problems then you can probably make anything work.

The problem is that people can hide those traights for a long time when they are trying to impress you. That is why I would go for a long courtship and short engagement. I figure that if you’re looking for signs of a problem they will probably show up within six months. Certainly within a year.

So, to answer the question of what are valuable qualities, I would watch for kindness, patience and someone who has similar views on parenting and budgeting as you do.

How do you keep a marriage relationship happy and healthy with a house full of kids?

As much as I love my kids, sometimes you just need to be alone with your spouse. While it isn’t always possible, your goal should be to have a date night once a week and do something you both enjoy. That means that until your oldest child is around twelve, you need to find a good babysitter in your neighborhood.

Have you been married more than once? If so, list each of your spouses’ full names.

Just once, thank goodness.

Have you been divorced? What did you learn from that experience?

I’ve never been divorce but from watching others go through divorces I’ve learned that you better put a lot of thought and prayer into picking your partner. To be fair, people do change and the person you marry can become someone completely different. As long as people have their free agency there will be divorces. While divorce is awful, it is often the best option for your own well being and for that of your children. You should do all you can be keep it civil.

Have your ever been widowed? What advice would you give to others who are going through the same experience?

Thankfully I have never been widowed and I have little advice to give others. When I go to funerals, I never know what to say to the loved ones at the funeral. When my mother died, I paid attention to what people said to me and perhaps the most meaningful thing people said was, “I’m sorry about your mother”.

In the moment, I don’t think it is helpful to remind people that their loved ones are in a better place and that you will see them again. The pain can be so great that knowing that the separation is only temporary doesn’t help much but, what a comfort it is for us to know that the separation is only temporary.