Dad, Tell Me About the Time (76)

Monday, September 29, 2025

Have you ever lost a loved one? Who have you lost and how did it make your feel?

My first loss was my grandma Leavitt who died Nov 18, 1980. I was sad of course but we weren’t close and I was young and so I didn’t really morn all that much. What made me the most sad was seeing how sad my grandpa was. He was lost and didn’t hang on for too many years.

I was really impressed with how he divided up his property. He gave his farm to Uncle Lamont who was the only one still farming. He gave his house to Uncle Dahl who was building a new house and grandpa lived in his basement. He then divided his cash between my dad and Aunto Zona.

Grandpa Leavitt died on Apr 28, 1984. This made me more sad because I knew him the best of all my grandparents. Lisa and I visited him a few times and I’m glad that Lisa got to know him a little bit. He was a good man. While I was sad, I wasn’t devastated. He was 88 years old and very lonely. I knew he was glad to go be with his family.

Grandma Lybbert was next and her passing had little effect on me. I hardly knew the woman, she had never made any effort to get to know me and I rarely saw her. She passed on Dec 18, 1994.

I knew Grandpa Lybbert better and he was always kind to me so when he passed on May 27, 1996 his passing affected me more than Grandma Lybberts passing.

The death that affected me the most was my mother, she passed on Feb 5, 1989. She passed before either of her parents. I was surprised over how sad my Grandpa Lybbert was at her funeral. That is when I realized that losing a child is just as hard whether that child is sixty years old or one year old. It makes little difference to the parent.

When I received the news that my mother had died I couldn’t believe it. It was so surreil. Alycia was born on Friday, Feb 3, 1989 and I called and talked to my parents. It was the last time I talked to my mom and and it was a happy and joyful discussion. On Sunday, Feb 5, I was in Brooks visiting Lisa and Alycia at the hospital when the nurses at the nurses desk came and told me I had a phone call. It was Jackie calling to tell me that Mom had suffered an anuerism and was not expected to make it through the day.

In spite of the grim news, I was still hopeful that she would make it, but she was brain dead and dad gave his approval to allow the doctors to pull the plug that afternoon. My mind was in a sort of trance so I’m not exactly sure the order of things, but I think Lisa got the news of moms actual passing at the hospital but by then I was home with the rest of the kids. She didn’t trust me to drive so she called Gary Norton to come over and give me the news and drive me in to Brooks to be with Lisa.

I felt as though my heart had broken I was so sad. It is hard to describe, but these moments of sadness dominated my life for the first few months but gradually over time they became shorter and less frequent. My life returned to normal fairly quickly but even now, thirty six years later I will occassionally get a moment of sadness when I think of my mother. Mostly though, at this point in my life my memories of my mother are happy memories.

After Mom passed my dad was very sad. It broke my heart to see him hurting like he was. They say that men who have had a long and happy marriage, remarry quickly after the passing of their wife. If that is true, then Mom and Dad must have had a great marriage because Dad married my moms cousin six months after mom died.

Dad and Maurine had a good marriage until Dad passed on August 2, 1998. Several things happened to make his passing much easier for me. We knew he was going to die months before he actually did. We had a fairwell reunion two months before he left us. At that reunion he had a little one-on-one dicussion with each of his kids and grandkids. I knew he was going to be with my mom and his family. Even still, it was very weird to know that I was now an orphan. Can you be an orphan if you are forty years old?

Finally, my sister Jackie died from Covid on Mar 20, 2021. Her passing was devastating, but not like my mother. She was the first of my siblings to go, and more than anything, it reminded me of my mortality. I guess I’m getting to the point that I need to start preparing for my turn. I don’t plan on leaving any time soon but I don’t think Jackie did either.

I think the most difficult funeral I have ever attended however was that of Jamie Alsup. It was so tragic, she was a young mother living in Guam and she got sick. No one really thought it was a serious disease but then within just a day or two she died. I can’t imagine any of my kids dying, but when they have young children it seriously affects the lives of so many people.